“The world” said Horace Walpole “is a comedy to those that think, a tragedy to those that feel.” Charlie Chaplin gave a film director’s corollary “Life is a comedy in long shot, but a tragedy close up”.

Nowhere is this more apparent than in affairs of the heart. Quarreling lovers may feel overwhelmed by despair, but they make outsiders laugh. For as Shakespeare wrote “Men have died from time to time, and worms have eaten them, but not for love.”

The eternal battle between the rational mind and our unfathomable emotions makes human relationships endlessly amusing. The great paradox of man is that though reason is usually right in the end, it can never by itself make us happy. Following one’s heart is often a recipe for disaster, but only satisfied emotions produce those rare moments of bliss that make life seem worthwhile.

Few places give the emotions freer reign than Jamaica. Logic which conflicts with our instinctive desires is always an unwelcome intruder. Which is why relationships here are especially rich sources of hilarity.

Now according to many women, Jamaican men have no concept of the word fidelity, view every woman they meet as a potential conquest, and have no conscience at all in sexual matters. In short, “Them is all old dog!”

But a friend argues that “Jamaican woman love old dog! They don’t like soft men! Like the song “Woman is Like a Shadow” says - never let a woman know how much you love her, for she will only hurt you. Don’t listen to what woman say, watch what they do! ”

Now everyone’s experience of life is different, and not all men and women are alike. But Jamaican society definitely imposes strict emotional constraints on men. Women can fully vent their feelings in times of trouble, but “only maama man cry!” This conditioning starts early. Many mothers admonish bawling boy babies with ‘Don’t be so soft! You have to grow up strong!” and raise their youth to think real men are like Blue Bomber soap - tough, strong and last long. Such emotional roughing up certainly does not encourage delicate sensitivities. Anyway, “sensitive male” here means only one thing – “sodomite!”

And woe betide males with unfaithful partners. “She a give him bun!”  is unfailingly followed by roars of laughter, and the cuckold finds no sympathy except in a rum bottle. Because naturally women only cheat on men who “can’t do the work right.” (Another friend claims that a woman’s female friends comfort her when her partner is unfaithful, but when a man confesses his spouse’s infidelity his “brethren” are often thinking “I wonder if I can get through too?”) Needless to say an impotent man is a disgrace to his sex and an object of derision.

Jamaican women were Bill Clinton’s strongest supporters during the Monica Lewinsky affair. As one said to me “They should leave the poor man alone! Is the little whore’s fault. Which normal man is going to turn down a young girl flashing it in his face?” But didn’t Clinton commit perjury by lying under oath? “Lying about sex isn’t really lying” she explained “it’s just denial.”

To be sure most Jamaican women desire a family and a faithful husband. But why do so many of them reject well intentioned, one-woman-man suitors for philandering gigolos? Why do so many single girls here profess a preference for married men? And why are songs like “Old Dog” and “Nuff Gal” so popular among Jamaican females?

Men’s attitudes towards women are largely shaped by women’s behaviour. After all, most of what men do is designed to impress women and hopefully get them into bed. And as a female friend jokes, “In Jamaica nice guys get screwed, or rather they don’t!” If scoundrels found no favour with women, they would assuredly change their ways. Men can only be dogs if women let them.

Most societies are based around a one-wife-and-husband nuclear family, and ostracize adulterers. Not so Jamaica, which has the world’s oldest average marrying age and probably the world’s highest out of wedlock birthrate. (“And the world’s highest jacket rate!” laughs my friend. Perhaps thankfully there are no Jamaican statistics on false paternity. Studies estimate the rate in Britain at about 10%.)

Jamaican society seems atypical by western standards. Yet evolutionary psychologists say it is the nuclear family which is unnatural, especially for men. As Ann Moir and David Jessel write in “Brain Sex”, “Marriage is a triumph of female intelligence. It has absolutely so biological advantages for males.”

The basic biological drive of every organism, including humans, is to maximize its genetic legacy  – biologists joke that a gene is nature’s way of making another gene. Now men generate millions of sperm and can theoretically father thousands of children, the record being over 900. Women produce only a limited number of eggs and carry the child, so their maximum offspring potential is less than 100, the record being 69. This is why sperm donors get pittances while infertile couples pay thousands of dollars for suitable egg transplants.

So though they have the same ultimate goal, the biologically different male and female naturally adopt different sexual strategies. In blunt terms, natural man goes for quantity while natural woman goes for quality.

The best tactic for a man who wishes to have as many offspring as possible is to bed as many women as possible. It is a simple equation - the more sperm inserted, the more potential children. The uncertain reality of paternity – “We know, oonoo can only hope!” laugh Jamaican women – only adds to the instinctive male penchant for making extra insurance deposits.

With a limited supply of eggs however, the maximizing female strategy is to try and ensure each fertilized egg develops into a healthy adult. Which ideally means good genes from the inseminating sperm, a lot of food for the growing child, and a powerful male to protect it from enemies. Therefore she should mate with the healthiest, richest, strongest man possible. But other women also prefer  “alpha” males, so these biologically favoured men usually have many sexual partners. Of course money and looks don’t always go together, which is why rich men have many jackets.

Jamaican society, newcomers often say, is human nature in the raw. And in many ways they are right. To be sure the consequences of this “natural” way of life, such as an 85% out of wedlock birth rate and less than 50% of children having registered fathers, do not always contribute to the smooth functioning of society. But that is another story.